I'M SWINEY

On Wednsday afternoon my chest started to feel heavy and I had a minor dry cough. Within hours I felt every symptom associated with swine flu. Even the ones you can't talk about in mixed company. I had 'em all. All day Thursday I was miserable; my aftenoon was a collage of naps on the couch, infomercials, oprah reruns, silent tears, texting Nate to please come home from Portland immeditely to drive me to instacare, and on and on.
When Nate finally got home at 8pm he took me straight to the hospital where I was lovingly diagnosed with H1N1, handed a few perscriptions and an inhaler, and given every validation I needed. They even made me wear a SARS mask while I sat in the waiting room. I felt like it was a sick person version of the scarlet letter.

Today I've slept more than I have in months and I'm still exhausted. And bored. And I have no voice. Nate has been a good nurse and I plan to thank him with a kiss and a hug as soon as I'm back in good health.

You can feel sorry for me if you want. I really appreciate empathy/pity when I'm sick. That and strong whiskey.

DEAR JCREW; BESTILL MY HEART!

I know I've been gone for a long time; I know it's shallow of me to come back and immediately just start talking about JCrew, but when you see my favorite things you'll totally understand. Have you ever just pretended you had a lot of money all the things you could buy with it? I just did and this is what I picked out for Christmas.

Chiffon Petal Vest

Belstaff Roadmaster Jacket

Silk Ruffle Jacket

Jaspe Sequin Slouchy Sweatshirt

Linen Silk Pants

Silk Posey Blouse

Silk Pajamas

Tuxedo Jacket

Twill Minnie Pant

See what I mean? When you first realized this post was just about JCrew clothes you thought it was stupid and shallow. And then, for a minute, you were lost, the sky was blue, wool didn't itch and you have perfectly pink rosey cheeks. Oh, and you wear silk pajamas camping. In the Andes. In the middle of the winter. See? We're the same after all.

FIVE THINGS I'M DOING TOMORROW

1. Workout. Not in the morning because it's almost after 1am and I'm not sleeping. But I will workout. Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my fit life. Is that "Oprah, live your best life" enough to make it happen?
2. Make a decision about my hair. Do I get bangs? Do I cut it shorter? WHAT AM I DOING WITH THIS MOP?
3. Walk around with good posture and see how many people ask me if I've lost ten pounds. I hear it's the easiest way to "look like you lost weight". I'm fooled by Shape magazine every time it has a cover article about losing ten pounds fast. I buy the issue, take it home, kick off my shoes, and plan to learn the top Hollywood secret to staying thin and all the article says is, "practice better posture". Tomorrow I'm putting it to the test.
4. Make homemade dinner. The words, "Nate, let's go get Quiznos for dinner" shall not pass my lips. Tomorrow.
5. Start reading my favorite book ever, Crime and Punishment. Thank you Fyodor Dostoevsky. You have been brilliant every time. Especially with those gritty Notes From The Underground. Side note: Crime and Punishment has always been one of my top five favorite books. Nate's is Brother Karamazov. What are the chances we both fancy Dostoevsky? Remarkably proven in literature written long before we were born that we were meant to be. Right?

IS TWO BETTER THAN ONE?

Nate and I took Agnes to Petco on Saturday because she had a squinty eye that looked suspicious. I think it was pink eye. But don't worry, she's all better because I'm pretty much the best pet owner and I healed her with regular eye drop treatments.

But, that's not really the point of this post. While we were at Petco it was "adoption day" and lots of pets where in cages inside the store. I talked to the Humane Society representative there about Agnes' eye and he pointed to two adorable kittens in a cage that were about the same age as Agnes. Still not the point. He then told me he had lost four kittens that morning to distemper and we both made a pouty sad face. Still not the point.

The point is this. Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I kept thinking about those two kittens in the cage at Petco. They were Agnes' size and looked so sad to be sitting in a rabbit cage with no one to hug them or love them. And then I wondered if two cats were better than one. Not really any more work required but Agnes could have a buddy and they could play together and cuddle up on cold mornings. But the biggest reason why I thought two were better than one is because I think Agnes is a pretty happy cat and I just felt so bad that those two kittens were going back to the Humane Society to sit in a cage. A CAGE. Not to a home with carpet and a fireplace and two people who love them and feed them regularly and comb them and take them in the car to explore.

Maybe two is better than one. I'm still trying to convince Nate.

And P.S. Is this how cat ladies start out? With good intentions? 

I NEED A VACATION SO BADLY I CAN TASTE IT

Yes, Nate and I took a vacation in February. It was marvelous. With that in mind, I"m not sure eight months has ever felt so distant. And by "distant" I mean, did it ever really happen in the first place? I need a vacation. Time off. A few days to relax, write, think of something other than work, and get my life back.

And now, in an effort to take a mind-vacation without requiring my body to go with it, I'll dream up a few perfect get-a-ways. This is where I'd spend free time if it truly existed.

GET-A-WAY #1: African Safari
I love the romance of a safari. And when I say romance I'm not talking about long walks at sunset. I'm talking about watching a giraffe run across your path, it's neck swaying so strange it will stay with you forever. I'm talking about dozing off in a wall tent and hearing a lion's roar echo over the valley. 

I dream of doing this again. Of smelling smoke from the fire, seeing a warm glow of light inside a tent, hearing and seeing animals so beautiful and dangerous the only thing to do is panic and smile all at once. 
Of course, when I imagine this trip, I always smell like Aveda products and carry leather luggage and look like Keira Knightley.

GET-A-WAY #2: The Beach...any beach
I'd go anywhere for good beach. I have always wanted to go to the Outer Banks. Something about that region, that beach, is so fundamentally simple and beautiful. It's not complicated by all the coconut shell bikini tops and steel drum bands. I love a beach that is warm enough to wear a bathing suit but cool enough that you can wear a gauzy scarf to keep the chill out. And there is all that old-timey sailing going on with wooden boats and topsiders. 

Be it a safari or a beach, one things is constant. Nate.

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Have you ever had one of those days where, though you get out of bed, you never really wake up? Or one of the days where everyone else seems to look put together and happy with smiles and shiny stuff around their eyes, and your eyes are saggy and all you can manage to see is that hideous patch of gray hair that is growing undeterred over your right temple? How about one of those days where your blackberry keeps buzzing so continuously that you lose your patients and maybe pick it up and throw it against the wall in your office? And lastly, had one of those days lately where you know you've gained weight, and you know the only way to break the cycle and reclaim your former body is to get off your couch-loving hiney and work out. But you don't. Because of all the stuff about being tired and living in a fog and being disappointed with your life and accomplishments and how easy you lose your temper and just plain laziness?
I had one of those days today. Real bad. And now I see that Out of Africa is coming on encore and while I'm tempted to watch this three-hour epic and cry my eyes out, I'm not going to. Because I'm too tired. What's the date again?

MEET AGNES

July 24, Nate and I adopted a tiny little gray kitten and named her Agnes. She's now 3.5 months old, has gained about a pound and is really fun to take pictures of.I'm taking a digital photography class and Agnes is the perfect subject.

I COULD PUT GOOD USE TO:

This and this.

CPR ON AN OLD CONCEPT {A-Z: I}

Long ago I started a little series with a nod at Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. I got as far as H. I"m going to pick up where I left off. With "I".

I: vowel {pronounced "eye"}

Impossible: Most things I've ever accomplished started out being categorized as "impossible".

Insomnia: I'm having a relationship with my insomnia. Things are rocky to say the least. My relationship with sleeping medications like Ambien and Trazadone, however, is definitely showing more potential.


Introduce: Things I want to introduce into my regular routine 1. yoga 2. healthy meals {3 of them plus snacks} 3. peace 4. just enough sleep 5. running 6. blogging  7. something new 8. reading 9. patience 10. meditation.


I love you: Words to live by.